Forum

cont....

After much smiling and waving, then the dancing and raving
they brought the new year in with a bang,to the tune of auld lang syne
as on copious amounts of food did they dine,
naturally, washed down with the finest of wine
they stuffed thoroughly, their botox enhanced faces
it was easy to see, they're oblivious to austerity,
could somebody oblige and tell me, why does avarice and gluttony
only befriend, those of assumed airs & graces
Then en route to the next haunt, they passed an old man rather gaunt
who stood alone, bereft of friend or a home, begging for a little charity,
and in keeping with form as was their norm, regarding, this 'famous' three
walked by with heads held aloft, although,Unsavoury was heard to cough
and emitted a two worded expletive, that ended in 'off ' !
But the old man did have a non human compatriot,
who like him does not well associate
easily, with all in modern society's decadence
and it took great offence at the pretence, of people so rude
and likewise, dismissive attitude, so decided on due recompense
So as the three made their way, to that next big soiree
they could not resist one more pic, as a paparazzi's camera went click
but this crafty wee creature, of most distinct feature
to make amends, jumped in front of the lens and there he did stay
Now if you lift tomorrow's newspaper or a magazine
you will see pictured therein, something that may make you grin
despite already a bellyful, of Mr's Unsavoury, Obscene and Mrs Distasteful
superimposed over each celebrity's mug, looking so smug
the face of a rat, is clear to be seen !

So if you bat above eight or even seven
then it's doubtless that you are good
but don't be too dismissive of number eleven
and the way he swings the wood
At times you will be out in the middle
with the last man, as he plays second fiddle
treat him with respect, offer sound advice and the effect
will be you'll have a friend, who can hold up an end
because you have compassion and brotherhood
neither unsavoury, obscene or distasteful, be
as it is obvious for all to see
that you are a first class bat, one decent chap
and besides all that, you will never be plagued by a rat !

by Caleb Kirkpatrick Boomer............Happy 2013 to you all !

Andy, three movers & grovers here but maybe not the type you're referring too!

Mr Unsavoury, Mr Obscene & Mrs Distasteful

Too the New year's eve celebrity big bash
three B listers assembled, to the click of the camera's flash
au contraire to austere, dressed so debonair
all desperate to appear, front, back and rear
in tomorrow's tabloid, fleet street trash
Simultaneously all did alight, to a blaze of flashing light
was there ever any, so less contrite?
from a big limousine, a chef, a comedian and a self styled drama queen
The first does his cooking, while everyone's looking
to enhance the flavour and his image to savor
this illustrious chef, prefixes every word with an F
whether the meat is prepared tender or lean
always resourceful, but never remorseful,
as he piles on the gravy, he's Mr Unsavoury !
Next the comedian, attention grabbing headlines
are his main source of a medium
who now plies his trade, across Atlantic water
To maintain this status, he had an idea hiatus
with accomplice as opposed to alone, he picked up the phone
and insulted a grandfather, concerning his granddaughter
to the shock and dismay of all watching at home
Now occasionally on U.S. television screen, he can be seen
this funny man of sorts, effervescent with vulgar retorts
a real libertine, he's Mr Obscene !
Last but not least, her desire is for all eyes to feast
formally on page 3, now gossip magazines and even T.V.
a 'lady' of irrepressible rants, who is often without brasserie & pants
so all & sundry can observe, as she has some nerve
her two most profound, silicon implants
not in the least bit bashful, relentless, in her pursuit for a cash full
the ever wasteful, she's Mrs Distasteful !

Very sad to hear of the passing of Ian Gourley.

A Legend at Woodvale

On behalf of the Ulster Cricketer website many thanks to all our readers and contributors during 2012.
We also wish you all a blessed and Happy New Year.
Clarence and Peter

c'mon guys - Christmas is over and a New Year beckons - everybody is being very coy and keeping sthum but who is moving where? I haven't even heard any rumours!!

Great to provoke a bit of debate thanks to the catty comments about my initial post. I wasnt referring to myself personally travelling being an issue I meant for others further afield, lucky for you lot that cash isnt an issue in these austere times eh?

Nothing personal Fred just a bit of poetic license. Not one of them worth the money in either North-West, NCU or Leinster. How can you pay thousands of pounds to players with no gate receipts?
Answer-Bar receipts and sponsorship! Not a great business model.
It's another topic but Harry Rednapp has it summed up at Loftus Road.
Happy Christmas.

Sorry chap but feel that the money pop at teams from LONDONDERRY a wee bit laughable when the ncu as bad if not worse. On a brighter note nice poem an a very merry christmas ...ho ho ho..........

James - why not find 3 mates and share the travelling? Hey preesto - 4 at the course instead of one! Makes more sense than your idea of a trainer travelling all round the place to take a cloass of small numbers. And the majority of clubs are within striking distance anyway? Anyway - as the graffitti on the old Bryan Street toilets used to say " A merry Christmas to all our readers"!

James, if you have a friend who also wants to attend umpire training, you might be able to split the driving duties. It used to be a 10 week course!
Maybe you remember the umpire roadshows a few years ago? Even when umpire training 'comes to a place near you'the turn out was poor.

A CHRISTMAS PRESENT TO OUR UMPIRES
Santa's up in Lapland,
Preparing soon to go,
Stacking all his goodies,
Amidst ten feet of snow,
He's going first to Ulster,
With special cricket gifts,
No time to stop for drinkies,
Or offer casual lifts.
He'll drop some cheques in Derry,
Where the boys prefer the money,
Then off to Belfast City,
Where things are not so funny.
The umpires are in a crisis,
But Santa has a plan,
Ten reindeers at the ready,
Will stand there man to man.
No need for any courses,
The reindeers know their cricket,
Santa has the answer,
With his helpers at the wicket.
They won't hear that awful sledging,
And they'll finger all the Pros,
They'll take us back to basics,
And banish all our woes.
No need for more recruitment,
The courses now aborted,
If you believe in Santa,
The crisis has been sorted!

Merry Christmas
CH

Come on James. Lighten up. A few quid for petrol-less than a pint of beer! Things must be really tough in your house and that cheap little shot about complaining. You must be a bag of fun this Christmas.

A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all our forumites and your families.
Clarence and Peter

R.E Umpire training courses
In these tough financial times how do you expect anyone to travel to Belfast from any of the further outposts of the N.C.U on 6 Tuesday evenings?

Regionalise and shorten the training or continue to complain!

you'd better be careful Jonathan. I posted some time ago about the number of clubs that don't supply ANY umpires and i was lambasted - you might fall into the same trap!! On a different subject - England have just won a series in India and the England rugby side beat an over-tired and ill New Zealand side and suddenly once again its "bring on the world!" time. Apparently both victories are just the first steps on the journey to winning the respective World Cups!!