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In the following story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.

The Amoeba x 3

There grew three amoeba
down at Vic's cricket club,
one could tell by their look
they were fond of the grub!

Unknown strains, scientifically unique
ungracious, unruly, devoid of tact
England to the core but mention Irish cricket
and your health they'd attack!

So it came round, England drew Ireland
at the 2011 cricket World Cup,
those amoebas grew anxious,
emitting a putrefying stink with each, 'tut tut'

Just because one side play test cricket
the other an associate nation,
and dare England lose, such an upset
would result in world deflation ?

But cricket's a funny old game
quite often, it will throw up a twist,
and England got hammered by a nation
the amoeba claimed, didn't exist?

Yes, Ireland's Kevin O'Brien
bate the pommes all over the place,
and the three went berserk,
turning first green, then red in the face!

But Vic had a plan, on how to get rid
of such germs, like found down a loo,
for none could put up with their stink,
if England failed to get through?

He told them dumb-ass Amoebas
some silly old spake,
England's Paul Collingwood,
was feeding the ducks down by the lake?

Off they slithered down
to the water's edge very quick,
each wanting to get first,
to the Englishman for a lick!

So when all had gathered together,
Vic knew, he'd got'em,
shoved them into the water,
and watched them sink to the bottom!

Now despite big bellies and egos,
we all know darn well,
the Amoeba's a simple life form,
and has only one brain cell!

It will live quite happily,
on the base of a pond,
with its friends the bacteria,
leeches, toad and frog spawn!

Now please don't worry yourself
about the Amoeba x three,
they say that pond life,
enjoys its own company?

Down by the lake,
their voices can be heard,
still blabbing away,
about the bizarre and absurd?

Never again to resurface
or come within reach,
for although very dumb
they know Vic will be waiting...With a bottle of bleach!

(amoeba :
a single-celled animal which catches food and moves about by extending finger-like projections of protoplasm. Amoebas are either free-living in damp environments or parasitic.)

Is the Premier League stat zone, which was great for recruitment, going to be down for much longer ? Its been weeks since it last worked

http://www.cricketeurope4.net/NORTHERN/ZONESTATISTICS/2016Premier.html

Fair point Sam - if I had made the same point about CI some nom de plume would have been on lambasting me for criticising CIYMS ( aka as Come In Yer Ma's Shouting back in the old rugby days).

Fire sale at Cricket Ireland?
I learnt on tv last week that in teen text speak KPC means 'keeping parents clueless'
I'm sure some out there can come up with appropriate variations on this to cover the latest CI sponsorship withdrawal by KPC on the grounds of 'a change of strategic objectives'!

I can't believe I was alone in wondering how a hospital owning Bangladeshi living in California ever saw CI as sharing his 'strategic objectives' or indeed that CI bought it.
But of course beggars can't be choosers.

I'm sure there's a big store full of branded kit somewhere that's going to make it into the January Sales.
Prime consideration in 'choosing' a new sponsor should be the ease with which their logo can be overprinted.

re: Clarence Hiles. Can't keep a good man down!

Best wishes for Christmas and the New year. I have a lot to be thankful for this year and particular my thanks to our sponsors, advertisers, supporters and forum posters. Even when we disagreed we still listened to everything!
A big thanks you to Clare and Steven who handled the UC with everything during my illness and I'm humbled with the hundreds of good wishes in Facebook and emails. There is no price for good friends and the prayers all over the world.

Mike certainly hasn't been holidaying up round here! He wouldn't get far before he'd be seen so anonymity! Congratulations to our NIACUS colleague Ollie Thorpe on featuring in the ACO winter magazine.

I'm not so sure 'Mike.'
However, I will protect your anonymity if you confirm your status. At least we can clarify this point irrespective whether it is mischievous or other. You certainly haven't been holidaying in Buckna or Barbados recently.

Back in the day such was my youthful exuberance and enthusiasm, that even during the festive season, off I'd go to the local park with stumps & ball in hand to practice! Then one particular clear and cool Christmas Eve' I had a surprise visitor..

A Cricketing Christmas Cracker !

As I roved out one 24th of December
in my possession, as I well remember
an old cricket ball to practice my bowling
much more engaging, than simply strolling!

Now bear in mind 'twas Christmas eve
just what occurred, you'll barely believe,
but listen intently, my earnest entreat
my story is true and bereft of deceit!

When in position and ready to go
I heard a gregarious laugh and a hearty, 'Hello '
then from out of the shadows, suddenly appeared
a gigantic man, sporting a fine, flowing white beard?

Slung over his shoulder, a most massive cloth sack
which he set on the ground, from off his broad back
and from within he withdrew, a new cricket bat
as nervously I pondered, what was he doing with that?

He spoke to me saying, "Please Sir if you would,
throw me that ball and I'll break in this wood,"
so I ran back and bowled at a very fast pace
at this impostor so alike, the late W.G. Grace?

And for all that I knew, he may of well been?
He was simply the best, I'd ever seen,
a talented fellow, dressed in red and white
who hit every ball with timing and dynamic might!

Then after our game and the bat well broke in
he said, " Well bowled but next time try spin!
Alas, now I must go, no longer to tarry,
thanks for the game and have a Christmas merry!

For tonight many chimneys, I will descend
as on me, little children, hope and depend!
So please take this new bat, a present for you
as well as these parcels, for your good family too!

And just before I leave, may I further say this
never lose faith, in the spirit of Christmas!
For a little imagination is good for the soul
and what's more, can turn dull brass into pure gold! "

He bade me farewell and with a whimsical wink
instantly disappeared, quicker than an eye blink,
so I set off for home and as it began to snow
far off in the distance, a voice boomed out... "Merry Christmas, Ho,ho, ho "

I can't believe that 'Mike' expects any club member to discuss policy on a forum. On a more important note - I hope that Mr. Torrens was resuscitated by the time he reach Portrush on Wednesday afternoon. Certainly he was sleeping the sleep of the just as the train left La Gare de Ballymena!

M moreland mike is my name and i watch cricket at all levels and enjoy it did you ask the players did they want to drop to junior 5 or did your club decide i guess the players are not happy but club politics decide

Good thinking Paul! But then again Muckamore aren't the only club to do this. While I have no involvement in the decision making at Moylena I would suggest that the majority of next season's team will be home-grown - unlike some where 'locals' are in the minority. Might even be able to 6 teams out to replace those that have folded!!

Anybody know when the Junior Cup draw is?

bit like Muckamore andy !

Re England Cricket Team

Andy I am not an England fan but I can see no difference there than with Ireland/South Africa/New Zealand / most of the Associate Nations & of course the NCU / LCU / NWCU as you have highlighted on many occasions.

It's the way of the sporting world and would be hypocritical of any of us, (including myself as my own club will seek assistance from an overseas player), to find the moral high ground on the topic as much as I dislike it.

Locally, I would love to see an accurate record of how many players are being paid at each club, I have always said I do not blame the players for taking the money but it's the egos behind "big clubs" that is doing the damage to our game.

Not a slight at any club more of a collective slight at all of us who pay people to do what most of us do for fun/leisure/getting out of the house.