The weather was typically hot and sunny however the cool breeze made it comfortable for the players. The opposition captain “frozen chicken” (presumably he knew Nicky ‘Captain Birdseye’ McCollum) won the toss and elected to bat first. The decision was hardly surprising considering the wicket was flatter than Boultwood’s singing. Armagh’s Mark Stinson and Saintfields/CI/Saintfield/CI’s Ross Boultwood opened the bowling. We were using pink balls, recommended by England’s Steve Davies, and found them to be harder and sexier than their red counterparts. Both bowlers bowled exceptionally. Stinson’s line and length was perfect and the batsmen looked like they’d arrived straight from Rush Nightclub, however due to the importance of this game we all know no one would be so unprofessional…Ricky McLarnon was the gloveman for the match, his focus was such that only hours before the game he was spotted sleeping with his keeping gloves on ala Jack Russell.
Boultwood finished with 1-26 off his 8 overs however deserved a few more scalps, at times the batsmen missed the ball by a mile (approx’ 1600m for our European readers). Change bowlers McCollum and Cowden kept the pressure on. Nicky in particular kept the batsmen guessing, guessing as to whether they were playing Baseball or cricket for on many occasions he thought the wicket too flat to pitch on and so decided to just bowl head-hunters. If we’d been playing the former sport then a few strikes would have ensued and only one home run was hit by the Jennings team. Cowden delivered with great control and aggression and was unfortunate not to have a few more wickets.
One of the Jennings’ players was comprehensively bowled by Ryan Haire but decided to stand claiming Ricky had attempted to stump him, then the non-striker, let’s call him ‘Snoggles’ proceeded to threaten Ryan saying he’d “deal” with him later. Needless to say next time ‘Snoggles’ was on strike he hopped down the wicket like a blind Kangaroo and was stumped, Noel Edmunds would have been proud.
The Jennings side crawled to 164 off their 40 overs. Back home this would be a decent score at best but knowing the wicket was flat and the outfield fast we weren’t entirely worried.
Russeller and Cowdy opened the innings and immediately Neil smoked the bowling like it was the local “medication”. The score raced on quicker than Usain Bolt and after 7 overs we’d passed 60 (Russeller 50*, Cowden 1*). Tetley described the opposition’s temperament as a “mixture of Indians and 12 year old ‘spides’”. This was typically succinct from the big man from Greenisland. Cowden didn’t last too much longer and this brought Haire (Ryan) to the wicket. At this point Tetley wants me to write about North Down dominance but my Bangor soul won’t let me so instead I will write about Grasshopper dominance. Ryan and Neil continued to pillage the bowling and we quickly approached our victory target. Neil was eventually bowled for 80odd off around 12 balls. This sent the locals into rapture as there had been some heated exchanges involving Russell, the likes that hadn’t been seen since the Orange Lodge last marched down the Garvaghy Road. Tetley and Hairzo finished the game off with 18 overs to spare with Ryan finishing on 47*.
Special mention must go to Indigo travel who had organised the fixture at the international ground, truly a special treat. Alongside the ground and food we were supplied with a physio’. Presumably they realised that the aforementioned “strength and conditioning” which the skipper had made us do days previous would indeed make us feel sore. Rather unsurprisingly, on hearing that our physio’ was of the female kind, Michael Turkington was suddenly limping around with a deep groin strain, an injury he’d been carrying around from playing vet’s badminton with Val.
Tomorrow (Sunday 27th) we play at the Antigua Recreation Ground, the scene of Brian Lara’s infamous 400* but more importantly the venue at which we will challenge Boland CC in another 40 over affair.
MARK NIXON
Jennings CC 164/9 (40overs)
McCollum 3-46 Boultwood 1-26 Cowden 2-21 Haire (R) 2-28
Ulster Grasshoppers 168/2 (22 overs)
Russell 83 Haire (R) 47
Ulster Grasshoppers won by 8 wickets
